I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
