Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
