My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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