Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
