can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
