I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
