We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize