last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
