Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
