Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
