Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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