Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
