think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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