I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
sarcasm needs its own font
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
