Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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