how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
