I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
