Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize