I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I am spending my child support on dildos
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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