my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
