Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Houston, we have a squirter
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
