Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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