People with herpes should wear stickers.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
