Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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