What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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