I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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