just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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