It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize