I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
