We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
