Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
