Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
