question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
