Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
