Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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