I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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