I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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