I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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