my mouth tastes like poor choices
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
