i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
