You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
