If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
