I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
