I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
