Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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