Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
