I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
