she looked like the bat from fern gully.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
