why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
