just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize