Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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