I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
