I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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