There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
