you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
