I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
