omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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