the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
