Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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