The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
