I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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