New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I supernannyed him into submission
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
