I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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