I will die if light touches me.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
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