great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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