Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
