I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
