Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize