Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
